I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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