then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
