When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
