I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
