I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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