Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
where are you?
Hypothermia
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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