How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
