Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
