I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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