Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
and she was petting her beer can
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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