Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
