I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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