Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
