I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
