He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
