yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
