i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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