I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
