Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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