I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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