You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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