Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
barbara walters just said penis...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
