He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my poor anus
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
