remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
