I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
