you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
