i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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