I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
