I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
