My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
