I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
