Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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