Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
