I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
