Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
