like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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