He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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