also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
its not stalking. its research.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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