I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
too bad you live with your parents still
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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