This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
