my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
