He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
