Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
