Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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