I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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