You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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