he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
