I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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