dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
