Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
