I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
